America spends far more on health care than other industrialized nations, yet lags persistently behind in health outcomes. With quality widely considered by experts to be a lost cause, successful health reform will focus exclusively on cutting costs, killing the poor, and maximizing profit for doctors and private industry.
In that spirit, a 13-point plan to destroy America's health care system:
1. Require doctors and all care providers to adopt a Patriot version of the Hippocratic Oath on which unanimous bipartisan agreement has be reached.
2. Ensure that the public makes informed decisions about pharmaceuticals, by requiring medical journals and scientific trials to operate under the full editorial control of the drug companies that produce them. Disallow the sale and manufacture of a given pharmaceutical when its patent expires after 7 years, requiring replacement with new brands. Outlaw generics and the export of drugs to the developing world.
3. Create Altria Wellness Centers in communities and schools, promoting Kraft and Phillip Morris products to remedy common ailments.
4. Require a license for exercising more than 10 minutes per day, to be maintained by unsubsidized weekly fees, and policed by randomized steroid, human growth hormone, and drug testing. Disallow exercise for high risk patients.
5. Increase the use of paper records; where possible incorporate scrap paper. Prescriptions should be written in crayon, or using human feces and an improvised wooden utensil.
6. Health reform needs a public option: an option for the public to purchase private insurance at inflated prices. Eliminate Medicaid, Medicare, and CHIP.
7. Require drug and device manufacturers to provide payments and incentives to providers and physicians, with a zero tolerance policy regarding transparency.
8. Strengthen existing incentives for tests and procedures; eliminate all documentation of primary care outcomes.
9. Increase the prevalence of C-sections, reduce the use of doulas, and eliminate the education of women about the risks and benefits of obstetric procedures. Create special, more lenient laws concerning the murder of abortion providers.
10. The number of uninsured Americans under 65 has increased more than 10 million since 1999, or an increase of little more than 1 million per year. Increase premium costs and coverage restrictions to magnify this trend and further reduce costs.
11. Appoint Princeton University's Peter Singer as Czar for Life of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, giving him broad discretion on policy decisions.
12. Close all free clinics, and require insurance coverage for care in all provider settings. Enact legislation banning the un-insured and under-insured from stepping within 500 feet of all provider settings.
13. Bomb France. And Cuba. And Scandinavia as a whole. More wars = more patients.
(For SE.)
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
