You've just landed an interview for a seemingly wonderful job! Now what? Successful interviewing will be essential in order for you to lock in an offer. Here are some tips and strategies for effective interviewing from preparation through follow up.
1. Smile, be polite, and try to relax. The economy sucks and your kids are dying of malnutrition. What can you do? Put that shit out of your mind. Picture yourself on your first vacation from the new job, in the Bahamas with a whore fluent in American Sign Language, a line of coke the size of a jungle cat and all the god-damned Ovaltine you can drink.
2. Don't shit on the table -- yet. Avoid shitting on the table during the opening moments of the interview. It can even be a risk later, when first impressions are being cemented into firm evaluations. By the same token, if you're going to do it, own it, bring a newspaper and squat comfortably and pronouncedly, as if you do this all the time. Make them doubt their grip on consensus reality and the job's yours.
3. Be upbeat and make positive statements. If you're going to bring a gun it's important to think about what kind of message you're going to send. Conventional wisdom will tell you the bigger the gun, the more effective the message, but that isn't always true. A well-aimed .22 magnum mini revolver can leave much more of an impression than a haphazardly fired Negev light machine gun. According to recent research from Accenture, nearly half (40 percent) of major corporate decisions are based on the good 'ole gut.
4. Make frequent eye contact. Do not blink even once.
5. Tell a feel-good story about a prostitute with a heart of gold. Preferably early on; declare that you'd like to use it as a formal introduction to yourself and your work, then refer to it throughout the interview for emphasis.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
