idea for pharmaceutical

RePatria, the drug to restore one's inner patriot.

RePatria may cause a severe allergic reaction. Stop taking it and get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.

RePatria can cause side effects that may impair your thinking or reactions. Until you know how this medication will affect you during waking hours, be careful if you drive, operate machinery, pilot an airplane, or do anything that requires you to be awake and alert. You may feel sleepy for one or more election cycles.

Some people using this medicine have engaged in activity such as driving, eating, or human history and later have had no memory of the activity. If this happens to you, stop taking RePatria and talk with your doctor about another treatment for your grave national doubt.

Ad campaign: before and after RePatria. Unlikely spokespersons (Bin Laden, Charles Manson, etc.)

Ash Wednesday

Idea for Christian action adventure movie: For some reason the new messiah is delivered in a New Jersey hospital under mysterious circumstances to a mother (Maggie Grace) who claims virginity and disappears shortly after delivery. After that clunky bit of exposition, the real opening scene is in a NICU, with quirky nurses caring for premature and otherwise special newborns, a controlled chaos of beeping, crying, and the imperfect business of living.

Then these crazy Romans who've transported themselves to the future and acquired modern weaponry assault the NICU, burning it to the ground. When the smoke clears, the investigators are astonished to find one baby alive in the rubble, with a look of utmost determination on his face.

On his forehead is a cross of ash, a cross he will wear his whole life. The kid turns out to be Jesus Jr., a real bad-ass, with an approach to Lent significantly more hands-on than that of his predecessor."Ash Wednesday, motherfucker," is the pivotal line of the movie, delivered when JJ takes out Herod (in an Arby's parking lot) using a rocket launcher.

Over the closing credits he's on the Staten Island Ferry, a time for reflection. It's a cold grey day, the bitter wind is in his hair, and Jesus thinks back to the mother he never knew.