the stations of the cross

I went to a double funeral this week, to support a friend who'd suddenly lost people she loved. The mass was Catholic. The presiding saint was Sebastian. The first time they tried to kill Sebastian they tied him to a stake and shot him full of arrows. When that didn't stick they beat him to death. That worked out pretty well.

Guy died twice and only got one funeral. For these folks it was the same way, two deaths, one basic mass. The priest just did the necessary rites twice. The altar servers still bumbled and smiled and joked under their breath when they thought no one was looking. I wanted to believe but I still didn't.

The church was in Queens, right under the elevated train. But once the mass started you didn't notice it going by. Maybe they stopped it, or maybe looking at kids who no longer had parents took precedent.

There should be stations of the cross for modern times. In one you have Jesus checking his email. In another he's doing the crossword. But besides jokes and maybe one of Jesus looking somebody in the eye, a close friend or family member, the others would just be worse and worse violent things the modern world throws at you.

In one there's a crucifixion. But in another maybe two of the people Jesus is closest to get killed in a senseless wreck. And you the viewer are his friend who has to watch him try to make sense of his new world. As his friend you know you should say something but what is there to say. In another is a neutron bomb. In another is crushing poverty. Another: depleted uranium. Challenge to the artist.

I imagine she takes comfort in the stations of the cross. That she sees his suffering and hers and everyone's and knows that in the end when that good trumpet sounds we'll all be together. I hope that's how she sees it, even after all that's happened.