imagined injury

Breaks of the collar bone, breaks of the clavicle or coccyx, skull fractures, broken arms (radius, humerus, trochlea). Breaks of the fibula, tears of dorsal metatarsal ligaments. Stab wounds to the chest, throat, stomach, liver, kidneys. Gasoline burns, gunshot wounds. Exposure to national media, exposure to local media. Exposure to chemical weapons, depleted uranium, the movie "Tropic Thunder."

Hypnosis gone awry. Involuntary removal of tongue, fingers, eyes, kidneys, penis, or heart in ransom or extortion situation. Voluntary removal of same in ill-starred attempt to impress girl. Exposure to the cold vacuum of space, snake bites, rat bites, rabies. Awkward sex, bad sex, regrettable sex for money in the pulsating bathroom of a Trailways bus with a toothless person of indeterminate gender. Exposure to organized religion, exposure to national, state or local politics. Frostbite. Hypothermia. Piranha bites, crocodile bites, electric shock. Spontaneous visits from college acquaintances.

Airplane crashes into your house, airplane crashes onto your car, into your place of work. Airplane crashes onto solo pedestrian (you). Airplane in which you are traveling corkscrews and burns slowly underwater, all but you eaten by octopi or a large school of small fish, you tortured slowly by evil merman in his domain. Airplane in which you are traveling brings you to all-day business strategy meeting wherein dull soundbites are pondered and endorsed.

Car crashes off side of mountain, car crashes into river and driver slowly drowns yet must rescue multiple children and pets. Car crashes into flaming oil tanker, school bus, side of building. Fender bender leaves dull ache in shoulder and crink in neck, slight paranoia regarding travel by self/wife/baby. Exposure to stand up comedy, ethnic or sexist jokes, pornography. Immersion in lye, enrollment in Poetry MFA program, immersion in diet program or anthill slathered in honey.

Slaps in face, kicks in balls, personalized poison pen letter from Noam Chomsky. Mountain lion leaps from rapidly moving 18-wheeler through open driver side window of car. Parachute fails to open, aneurysms, fast-moving cancer, heart attacks all noticed on way down. Exposure to daytime television, hospital waiting rooms. Exposure to adulthood.